353 Mother

353_Mother

A mother’s love is tested by a child’s ups and downs. But a mother never gives up on their adult child as well; the adult can go through just as much turmoil as a young child, if lessons are not learnt early on. But a mother instinctively knows the adult is still their child.

Unfortunately, when we grow up, we have lost some innocence through sin, and have a self-conscious mind that dictates to itself, cause and effect, so, we need company. In the case of the child, they will be happy on their own, content to play at a certain age, but still utterly dependant on their parents. This is the beauty of the birth of pro-creation. But we must want the child, that is the future responsibility of family life.

As adults, sometimes we fake it, sometimes we are boys and girls with wooden hearts. We must build up strength and endurance, and find a relationship that is often opposite, but with some similarities to our own parents. Those similarities are only stature, job and home set up. The opposite is the way we love.

A mother’s love is unconditionally beautiful, like all womanhood. A woman in a hood, like ‘little red riding’ is vulnerable to the wolves at night, so, she needs protection from her man. A mother feels your pain, and struggle, to almost be you, but that would make her panic, so think how she guides you, to be so docile. A father tends to be stoical about children’s problems growing up, with drugs and alcoholism available.

A mother, therefore, needs unconditional love and respect, which I give to my mother all the time. I am however still ashamed of one bad behaviour. While dating an ex-girlfriend, I met her brother who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and I asked my then girlfriend, “what has he done wrong?”, (as if accused, the way my mother brought me up!), she said, “he has taken ecstasy at the wrong time”. I thought to myself, I must cure ‘paranoid schizophrenia’, to console my girlfriend’s heart. Of course, when I lost her, I did the same thing and took a pill at the wrong time in 2002. It did not come out of my system until four years later, when I was put under the Mental Health Act, as I had psychosis. This is the last time I push myself to react, or listen to voices, I am better now, but it has taken 20 years to overcome my penitence.

I pray for forgiveness, wherever that drug went?! Amen.

I am still searching for where the true Isabel who I met in 2000, is? Because I love her so much, and I miss her company. So, if she is reading this, please get in touch, and send me a kiss on the text number below, when you are ready to talk to me. I desperately need someone! When I lose my mother to the heavens and she rests in peace, I pray I will find my perfect love, to be settled, without my best friend.

I am, because I need to love you mum.

Love AB X

AMEN