323 Non-Writing

324_Non-writing

I have nothing to write about, so non-writing is like non-thinking (Joseph Nguyen), I only need self-control. When there is nothing to say there are only actions to grasp and to hold steadfastly to. It keeps feeling to me someone wants to speak to me, but I have nothing to say. It keeps feeling to me my fate will change by virtue of the next sequential decision, which is wrong. I am not indifferent, neither am I provocative, I am. I am a human being on planet Earth, trying to keep a grasp on Climate Change, when it all seems to be resolved by government. I have tried speculation through architecture, whether congenial or not? I have tried e-commerce through ideas; I have tried industry predominantly commercial. And I worked my way up from a supermarket job to a bar, to a restaurant etc. To pay for my beer and ashamedly my smoke.

Now, that is something I want to stop and talk about for a minute. It is a commercial habit to smoke tobacco, that is legal, and I used to attach myself to anything legal to prove I was. Maybe that is why I am empty to stop and talk like this, and lacking inspiration, when smoke invokes spirit. And spirit invokes a mental health problem and changing flow of ideas as shells to protect me. Am I strong enough to go alone? I think I am. But I do not know without trying? The process of smoking to murder yourself, and to take it so far, your lungs cannot cope, is ridiculous, and no salvation in me. I believe in Jesus, but will I believe in him as much as I do now, when all the smoke is extinguished?

I find life hard, I find sometimes I am shy, and sometimes I can express myself. But assuredly there are ways out of this self-doubt to cause confusion. Medical diagnosis, both physical, and/or a syndrome. But I need to get a grip on what it is I am grasping with Climate Change on my mind. Do I need to rush around joining Extinction Rebellion, and do I need to stop anything else in my life? Like over-zealousness? Let’s look at the main principles that come to mind helping a charitable mind of the Climate, in a minute. I still have a self-annoying habit at times of laughing at the wrong time. I do not take life seriously enough to practice my crafts to a perfect degree. It takes daily practice, and that is why I used to smoke, getting stressed over making perfection first time around without any flexibility. How can one be flexible like commerce, yet endowed with quality over quantity and radical, not to yearn for the wrong answer as a purposeful difference to prove oneself, but to still be original.

To help the Climate, I can invent, but with no proven success or error, there is only proven research. I can hand down clothes, eat a plant-based diet and buy ethically by knowing the ingredients in an item. I am willing to learn from my friends and family and give in to control of myself by virtue of laughable ramblings and to get to grip with serious self-control of change in my life, behaving, making and keeping going. I enjoy making and used to spend so much time excelling at it when mentored, and nurtured. Now I must walk alone and perfect things slowly, and gently in myself by remembering what I have learnt at university, and make a pledge to keep going, even when I fail, at least I am moving forwards. With God and no smoke, I am sure I can make it. I enjoy being at one with myself and feeling clean, clear and clarified. I enjoy getting up early at 05:00am and having a shower, a healthy breakfast, and an early morning walk, before I begin. To see the sunrise, and to see the trees, and grass in emerald, green. To follow a path, and to find myself cosy at home. And I cannot wait to be self-sufficient, and to making amends with myself, to begin a family with my sweetheart. All plans end at their aim, it is only to become, by beginning somewhere, and getting it all done.

I have written, thank you Father.

Love AB X

AMEN